Wait... what???
Say it again.... I just want to make sure I heard that right.
Holy Shit!!! I did hear it right... it IS 2011!!! YAY!!! CELEBRATIONS!!! HORNS!!!! CHAMPAGNE!!!
I didn't think I was going to make it out of 2010 alive.
This year did a number on me... how 'bout y'all? I have come out the other side a little beat up... certainly older... and hopefully a bit more motivated.
So... the Facebook has a page... an app... I don't know... apparently now I am 152 years old (the Facebook)... ANYWAY the Facebook as this thing that tells me everyday what God wants me to know. This seems silly... wishful thinking even... God talking to me from the Facebook. OK BUT HE IS GOD... He could be talking to me from the Facebook... why not just assume that He is talking. It wouldn't be so far out of character for the Big Guy. He knows us... knows what we need... knows how to make Himself known to each of us. Right?
On Christmas Day, God wanted me to know that " that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step. You can tell yourself you have already decided, that nothing can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than the step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot co back. And now, for you, is one of those times." Sounds like God to me.
So... what kind of huge step am I supposed to take? Listen up kids... I HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER JOB!!!
2010 ate my lunch. I worked longer and harder than I ever have in a job!!! This job has made me cry!!! Seriously... crying... like can't catch your breath... eyes puffy and red... snot flowing into mentholated kleenex...crying. This job has made me feel stupid for staying. This job showed me that it is not smart to show that you're smart. This job has launched me into too many lottery fantasies, and this job has left me exhausted...lying on the couch wondering how the hell this happened to me. Don't get me wrong, there are aspects to my job that I love. I have met good people who will be my dear friends for years to come. I have done good work and learned a lot of stuff. I have continued forward in the hopes that the situation would get better, but it has not.
"We all do things we don't want to do." I tell my son this at least once a week, but why does it have to be like that? I know there are people out there who LOVE what they do... would do it for free... would do it here or there... they would do it anwhere!!! THIS IS NOT MY SITUATION.
Ok... so what am I gonna do about it. Well those of you who know me... know that I have ideas... crazy ideas... big plans. I think I suffer from a split personality... you know like the cool person that lives inside me... doesn't hang out with the real person that is me. HOW DO YOU MERGE THOSE TWO? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?
Responsible me says "I have obligations... I have bills... I have to feed Ben... how can I do this without a job?" Well the quick and dirty answer is "YOU MUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE" but maybe a better answer is this... make plans to get you where you want to go. (Dare I say it... a resolution? (groan) NO NOT THAT!!!)
That's right... resolutions are plans. I am a firm believer that if you name your resolutions... say them out loud- or put them on paper that they are doomed to fail. So I am hesitant to name my resolutions here and now. Besides, why can't resolutions be something you make all year around? Why do they have to be only on New Year's Day? I think I have been thinking about this all wrong for many years. I think it will be better to have a resolution for every month. It gives you the chance to revise your vision right?
OK so what is January's resolution???
TO MAKE PLANS TO GET ME WHERE I WANT TO GO.
January is going to be the month to make the road map. This is the month to let my dreams take shape and implement the plans to get me there. It's just a list... but it's action... forward momentum. Let's see where we go!!!
Happy New Year Everyone!!!!
Love,
Byrdie
Wow! This is a very motivational and heartfelt entry. Thanks for writing it and best wishes as you move forward with your plan.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you had a blog!! Thanks for linking to me. :) I hear ya - I've been there (in work, in relationship, in life). Looking forward to following your treck.
ReplyDeleteThank you both!!! I am going to need every bit of help I can get!!! Here's wishing you both Fabulous 2011's. I know it will be great!!!
ReplyDeleteFrom Flickie ... BIRDIE!!! Yes! Yes! Yes!! I love this. I was soooo there. I made that irreversible step and it was hard and scary and all that stuff, but I'm happier than ever now. There were dark and lonely times. There were times were times when I thought "WTF did I do!?!?" But they didn't last long at all and they made me feel alive. I felt like this for YEARS. I could never really make the leap because when things got tough, I always fell back on my steady thing. Then I thought... "Hey, I trust myself. If I don't have a life preserver, I'll live, not die. But I have to be tested or I won't have the strength to fight." And it worked.
ReplyDeleteMaking a plan to get to where you want to go is SO SMART!! Sticking to it is TOUGH. If you're like me, as soon as you come to a part of your plan that is scary, your subconscious will find all kinds of ways for you to avoid it - even to the point where you could physically get ILL to avoid doing it. But recognize this and know it will happen and you can overcome it.
I LOVE YOU! I love the New Year!
From Glynn....Blessings to you as you follow the Lord's leading.
ReplyDeleteFrom Rache...The good thing is you're a super smart gal! It's a bit daunting to make the decision to take that first irreversible step. I know EXACTLY where you are at. It was hard because my decision would not only affect me but my son too. As scary as it was, it was also so liberating! I think Anthony learned lessons from it too! How'd we manage...? From a financial perspective we learned to live with less. We buckled down...hard. Spent more time together. Had not quiet time. Explored the city. At first he was nervous about the "living with less" idea. Overall, for the both of us living with less has made life easier!
ReplyDeleteYou get to a point in life when you have to make that hard choice: take a chance and see what's out there; challenge yourself; or stagnate. My question to myself was "am I living or just existing?". Eye-opener. You know what's best for you and Bender. You'll know what to do. You seem to have a good network of people that will encourage and guide you along:)
Love & happy new year!
From Irenie: To the Chinese, the new year is a new beginning. To pay off your debts (financial and emotional). Move into another minute, hour, day...where you can think clearly and make what you want happen. Planning, saving, and calculating will help you move to the next step. Don't forget to save...this gives you options. If you want to start a new anything...I hate to say it...but money always helps you transition. So, do it! and don't look back. Jobs are a dime a dozen. U only get one life!
ReplyDeleteFrom Crispie... I read your blog and all I can say is map away girl! If anyone can make the decisions and follow through, its you all day long....I won't wish you good luck cuz you don't need it. You are gonna kick 2011's ass all over your map....hehehehe...happy new year to you as well!!!! don't forget us little people when you end up where you are supposed to be :)
ReplyDeleteFrom my momma...
ReplyDeleteHello Daughter!
I just re-read your blog and I have to say I do admire you for having the courage to step forward into whatever looming uncertainty that is out there. Kind of like that great leap of faith in the Lost Crusader movie of Indiana Jones. Scary as hell but admirable and character building if you survive it. Of course you know I am joking. You will definitely survive and, I think, ultimately thrive in whatever new environment you find. From one who has spent their whole life doing the “safe” thing let me say it is not all it is cracked up to be. Mostly I look back on a life filled with resentment of people both strangers and ones I loved who have taken advantage of the fact that I would always pull their happy little asses out of the fire. When do I get saved? When do I get to make the decisions regarding my time and money and quality of life? Sometime later after the current crisis is solved and we have enough money and the next job is done and nobody else has a priority more important than mine. I don’t want that for you. I want you to be happy and fulfilled and secure and loved. I want Bryan to come here and help you solve your problems or at least support you in whatever you choose to do. I want you to be able to look forward to each day and love doing what you are doing and who you are with. Personally, I think you are the one who can do it. You are so smart and funny and you deserve so much more than being used up by the evil ones. Make your plans – shuck these losers and take that great leap of faith! I may not be able to catch you but I’ll give it a damn good try – cause I love you.
You go get ‘em! Make this year the best one. The one you can look back on as the year you controlled your life. I know you can do it.
Mom
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!
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